The Elixir

Just an Erlang, served in a martini glass with a lemon twist.

The Load Balancer

A drink that makes you perfectly drunk no matter how many you’ve had before. Will make you less drunk if you’re too drunk.

The Repmgr

The bartender pretends to call the bartender at the place that you used to be your regular. He tells you to go there. You get there, and it’s closed. The first bar is closed when you get back. Also someone stole your wallet, and your underwear, and your wife.

The Failover

The bartender calls the bartender at the place that used to be your regular and asks what you want.

The Postgres

You must describe exactly what you want in your drink. If any of the ingredients are already in another patron’s drink, you must point to the patron instead of naming that ingredient. The bartender, however, will never screw up your order. Not even a tiny bit. Ever. It is, however, weirdly incompatible with the Object-Relational Margarita, which is made out of ingredients from other drinks that are all aged, smoked, tinted, blended, and infused to taste like entirely different ingredients. Continue reading

The Liskov Substitution

You get a drink that isn’t what you ordered, but has exactly the same amount of alcohol in it.

The MongoDB

The bartender puts whatever the fuck they want in it. They don’t care and knows you don’t either. If you measure any of the ingredients, the whole bar crashes and has to be hard reset. The bartender makes you ask for the lime, and alcohol, and join them yourself.